So, when sex stops or becomes infrequent, it can feel like a silent alarm, signaling that something is wrong. A "sexless" relationship—often defined as a couple having sex ten or fewer times a year—can lead to feelings of rejection, loneliness, and insecurity.¹ Understanding what to do when the sex stops in your relationship is crucial for addressing the root cause and preventing the emotional distance from growing wider. Resources like https://www.sofiadate.com/dating-advice/when-the-sex-stops-in-your-relationship offer guidance on navigating this sensitive topic.

Here’s a look at the common causes and how to respond constructively.

Understanding the "Why": Common Causes

The decline in intimacy is rarely about a lack of love. It is almost always a symptom of other underlying issues.

• Life Stress: Demanding jobs, financial worries, and family responsibilities can sap a person's energy and libido.²
• Unresolved Conflict: Lingering resentment, unspoken anger, or a lack of emotional connection outside the bedroom can make physical intimacy feel impossible.
• Physical or Medical Issues: Hormonal changes (like menopause), chronic illness, medication side effects, or mental health challenges like depression can all significantly impact sex drive.
• Routine and Boredom: If your physical relationship has become a predictable, monotonous routine, the spark can naturally fade.

How to Respond: A Step-by-Step Approach

1. Initiate a Gentle, Non-Blaming Conversation: This is the most important step. Choose a calm, neutral time (not in the bedroom, not right after being rejected). Start with "I" statements to express your own feelings without attacking your partner. For example: “I’ve been feeling a bit distant from you lately, and I miss our physical connection. I’d love to understand how you’re feeling.”
2. Listen with Empathy: Your goal is to understand, not to win an argument. Listen to your partner’s perspective without getting defensive. They may reveal a stressor or a feeling you were completely unaware of.
3. Focus on Rebuilding Emotional Intimacy First: Often, the path back to physical intimacy starts outside the bedroom. Spend quality time together, have meaningful conversations, and reintroduce non-sexual physical touch, like hugging, cuddling, and holding hands.
4. Seek Professional Help: If your conversations go nowhere or the issues seem too complex to solve on your own, seeking help from a couple’s therapist or a sex therapist can be incredibly effective. A professional can provide a safe space and tools to help you reconnect.

The fading of physical intimacy is a problem that can be solved, but it requires courage, empathy, and a commitment from both partners to address the issue at its heart.